Episode -insert episode number here- Owen Comes Clean.

man, let me be the first to tell you how strange it is to be single after all this time...looking through my youtube bookmarks to find something to listen to, I came across all the mushy stuff I listened to when it all meant something.
I don't realize that no matter how often I tell myself I won't do that, no matter how many times I vow to change, I continue to wedge my head as far up whatever girl I'm dating's ass at every opportunity.
To my friends, most of whom rarely talk to me anymore, if you read this, I'm sorry.
I'm not offing myself, so don't start fighting over who gets any of my guitars. You will all pawn them off or sell them anyways.
I wouldn't say I'm emotionally dependent on a girlfriend, I misdirected myself, and I tried to deduct a reason without all the information.
I'm emotionally dependent on people. I need interaction, as much as I try to play off as though I'm a lone wolf Rambo type who will sew his own wounds shut with needle and thread...That's truly not me. I come from the same lineage as my father, a bunch of roughnecks and mountain men, at least as close as you can come in modern society. I can survive by myself with the extremes this society perceives as extremes. They aren't extremes. Idiots.
I'm not touting myself as Bear Grylls and saying that if you throw me in a jungle with no food or water I will magically appear in civilization just fine and dandy. I'll do what I can but I'd probably end up as tiger shit.

I've kinda locked myself into a strange situation. Here I am, interested in...war...weapons...machines. And yet I really don't want to be alone. Solitude is great, but only if you are surrounded by people who make you want to be by yourself. being alone as a starting position changes things a bit. I figured I was emotionally dependent on a girlfriend because I always thought a girlfriend would be the one person who wouldn't hate to be around me, that she, of all people, wouldn't have to go home at some weird time, or that they wouldn't mind just sitting there existing, with me.
That's why I may move things too fast, for some in terms of relationships...potential girlfriends, listen up.
I hate being by myself. I have clarified that. I will do whatever I can to keep from being broken up with.
I have problems with abandonment. That's why I do everything I can to keep a girl with me, even when it seems positively hopeless to be with them. If a girl leaves me I automatically think that I am an unloveable pile of humanity, I offer to adjust, I offer whatever I can because I can't stand the thought of being by myself alone again. Being dumped kills me because I know that for almost every relationship I have been presented with, I know I am inadequate in some aspect of that relationship. I will fail somewhere and I know it.
Being in the relationship, I will do my best to make that relationship solid and airtight. It makes me feel better to know that I mean the same to this person as they do to me. This is usually seen as me being whipped, and honestly, go fuck yourself. I force myself to push my friends away in the hope that this girl will stay with me when I decide to be with my friends. It's akin to not leaving the room with your priceless chinese vase because you are afraid a freak draft will blow it off the shelf. I don't need to clear up the meaning behind that. I then fight with the girl to assure it's not that I don't trust her. I just don't trust the environment around her. I assure you, reader, that I'm being genuine. Who do I have to impress? I hate being this way, and I'm hoping it's something I grow out of, or just set aside. Please, potential girlfriend, however many days or months or years you are away from the morning I am typing this. (thank you mom, for the coffee.) Don't let this push you away, I'm a good guy. I have a lot of qualities that are preferable in a relationship. Christ. Listen to me. I'm now trying to win over my readers after telling them I'm basically a terrible boyfriend.

to all my past loves, I'm sorry you all had to see this side of me. I'm 99% sure that wasn't what you were expecting. Even worse that you didn't know beforehand. I hope you all can see it in yourselves to forgive me. I told you, it's always my fault. I also hope that all of us can stay friends. I need people who know me around. They are increasingly harder to find....

To my potential loves. Banish the preceding paragraph from your memory. Nothing to see there. you read (this is the read pronounced "red") me. just in those paragraphs there. Assure me that I'm of value to you. Don't treat me like the ground I walk on is holy, just let me know that you genuinely care about me, and, better yet, all the fun stuff I'm interested in. (that was sarcasm, I'd totally be fine with letting you fake it)

Actually, all of you can forget that whole thing if you want. It's just an epiphany that started as a facebook post. If it stayed that, you woulda forgotten it in an hour. you are forgiven.

Owen.